the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
