I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
