i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
