you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
