i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
