yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
