You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
