You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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