If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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