Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
