By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
