turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
