i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize