The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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