Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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