don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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