actually, I'm a sock model
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
