I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
