whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
