Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
