just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
