i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
