party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
