There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
