Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize