im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize