I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
