oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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