There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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