Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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