The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
