i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
