She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
