Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this boner is exhausting
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
