My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
