you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
