he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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