so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
