ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
