Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
