My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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