Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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