I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
