i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You smell like stripper and shame
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
