she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
