I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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