apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
