he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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