p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
