so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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