I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
