Can Purell be used as lube?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
