So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
