cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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