Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
