so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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