Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You are the jesus of drinking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
