did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize