If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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