Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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