New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
