It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
