Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it because I queefed?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
