what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
