My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
