I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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