I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
