I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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