Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
