A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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