i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you would pick up someone in the library
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
