the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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