She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize