How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
